The Rehearsal Period with Ashia C . & Chenise J.
Insights & Laughs for Millennial & Gen Z women chasing their dreams!
The Rehearsal Period with Ashia C . & Chenise J.
I’m A Mommy!
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In Episode 8 of The Rehearsal Period, we've got a surprise visit from a very little human! Ashia opens up about something that has been in the works for over 9 months that she can now finally share!
@therehearsalperiod
@ashiacarp
@chenisej
@thewerklab
@divinedanceatl
Hi, I'm Cheney and I'm Asia. And this is the rehearsal period where we take you from warm-up to spotlight, your behind-the-scenes paths to growth, grid, and glow-up. So girl. Here's a review. The review. If you are listening, Asia is holding a baby right now. So tune into YouTube. Tune into YouTube if you can. Obviously, we have not had an episode in two weeks. So a lot has happened. A lot has happened. If you are watching right now, you're like, what? Yeah, I said re pregnant.
SPEAKER_00I'm like, yeah. So Asia. Well, also, because if you were listening before, you know that we were like alluding to things. We were, we were. And finally, that has come to fruition, so we can talk about it a little bit more.
SPEAKER_01A little bit more. We're not gonna go into extreme detail, but again, Asia is holding a baby right now, so let's just catch up there. Mama Mama! She's a mommy. Mama Sita. Mommy, mommy. Mama Sita? Dog mom? Asia. Yeah.
SPEAKER_00What's going on? Were you pregnant? I was not pregnant, guys. Um, I am a foster mom. So I finally completed all of my steps, and I've been doing this process for what? Like maybe like seven, eight months. Yeah, seven months. It's been a long time. All of the home visits, all of the classes, all of the courses, all of the interviews, drug tests, like all the things that you have to do. I've been doing them behind the scenes for a really long time, and yeah, I didn't know when it was gonna happen, but I got my license and in the same call, got a call to pick up wow, look at God.
SPEAKER_01Okay, so this is just gonna be like a little quick, not even quick, but I'm gonna be I'm gonna get my interviewer skills on it. So why foster mom?
SPEAKER_00Foster mom, because I have always been obsessed with babies, mothering, taking care of the next generation. I've always wanted to be a mom in some capacity, and right now it's not happening biologically, and I was just like, okay, what can I do now to kind of step into that role and help and just be that person that kids may need in the moment? And I started looking more into fostering, and it was like the more that I looked into it, the more I was like, wow, there's some really there's a really big need for foster parents, especially in Georgia, especially in Atlanta, and it was just something that got put in my heart, and I promise you, it was like God set up every step of the way for it to work out. Literally, like it just was like great, it was like boom, boom, it was like the whole process is supposed to take over a year, but I promise you, like, there were so many divine things that happened that like just let me know that I was on the right step, like on the right path. Because yeah, I put in the application and they were like, You'll hear something in a couple months. I heard something the next day, wow, and then the next step, they're like, Oh, you'll hear something in a couple weeks. I heard something a couple hours later, like it was just insane. So, yeah, definitely grateful.
SPEAKER_01And guys, baby L, can we call her baby L? Call her baby L. Baby L is so precious. So, for people that don't know, like fostering how long can you have will you have baby L? Like, what is what does that look like now?
SPEAKER_00That's happening. Everybody's question is they're like, How long you're gonna have her? I don't know. I can have her for another day, I could have her for a year, I can have her indefinitely, like you just don't know, and it is such a crazy process, and I'm it might like it seems like insane. Just be like, Well, how do you even get into that? How do you navigate that? And it's definitely a release of control, which if you know me, like I'm always wanting to be in control about things, so definitely have to like just have faith and pray because yeah, I just don't know. Like, they could call me in an hour and be like, Oh, we're about to come get her. I don't know, so yeah, but I will say, in the meantime, like she's gonna be loved as if she's gonna be here forever. Like, I made a decision a while ago if I'm gonna step in this process, I'm not gonna hold anything back, yeah. Um, because it would be benefiting me, but it would be doing her a disservice because she needs a hundred percent of the love and affection and positive relationships, positive um attachment styles being built, so it's like I have to sacrifice my own possible heartbreak in the future for her or for whoever I foster along this journey, and yeah.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, and so with that, how has like your close community been when you told them, like, all right, let's let's talk about like okay, guys, this is what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna be a foster mom. Like, what was that like sharing that with your close friends? Girls.
SPEAKER_00This was so funny because I will say I was so scared to share it, like I was so afraid to share it initially. Um, I think my friends kind of knew first, and y'all were just like, like my really close friends, y'all were just like, Oh, yeah, like I can see it. It's it's it was no shock to anybody. Like, everyone's like, Yeah, that's exactly what I can see you doing. Um, and then my family, they were excited, but I think they were also apprehensive because I they knew that they would get attached.
SPEAKER_01They know what that system looks like of you could have baby elf for maybe two months, two years, two years, yeah.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, and my family was, I'm not gonna lie, some of them were a little bit like, Oh, I just feel like I'm gonna get attached, like I don't want to get heartbroken, and it's just at the end of the day, I was like, your heartbreak over hers, like which one, which one is more important? Um, and they got on board quickly. Um, and most of them were on board, it was just some of them that were just a little scared about like getting attached. Okay. Um, I will say when I finally told like the bigger group of friends, everybody was just like, Whoa, like what do you mean? And it just happened so quickly because I think I like told them when we had the like the celebration, okay. And um and they were just like, wait, what? How come you haven't told us? And I was just like, to me, it was old news, but everybody was just kind of shocked. But immediately everyone was so supportive, they're like, What do you need? Like, okay, I'm gonna be there, I'm so happy for you. And it's funny because we have some friends that are younger too. Oh, yeah, we do, and they were just like, Oh, absolutely not, I cannot do that. But you know, they know, yeah, they know how I am, and I don't think anybody was surprised. And then the funniest thing was telling my clients, like, yeah, like I would be nervous too. I just get nervous that people are going to like doubt my credibility as a business owner and if I'm gonna be able to function, but I will say, like, even as far as a year ago, I was setting myself up to be in this situation, not only like financially but logistically, I was making sure like certain classes were covered. I altered my schedule this year, so I'm only teaching three days a week. I don't do mornings anymore, I don't do daycares anymore, I do three days in the afternoons for a couple hours, and I do rehearsals on Saturday. Sounds like a working mom. Literally, and then I even like my manager that I hired recently for the studio, Nanny Experience. Like, I got her background check to help me like while I'm at the studio, like everything had been set up. I had set up um tours for daycares before I even got my license, you know. So we had it, I had it pretty down pat, but I was still so nervous. And when I tell you, I felt so dumb being so nervous because everybody was so excited, everybody was so excited, supportive. Like they were just like, what do you need? Like bringing me gifts and presents and like stuff for her. And and I had told them before I got her, I was like, Hey, just letting you know, like I just gotta I well, I'm getting about getting a license, yeah. Yeah, um, so if you see me with a kid, like yeah, yeah, and everyone was just positive, like they've been with me for a while, and I will say, this group of parents, and I think I've said this before, like this is my best.
SPEAKER_01She said this on another episode, yeah.
SPEAKER_00Like, this is my best group of parents, they're so positive, and they're just so supportive and loving, and everyone is just like you know, giving me advice, giving me like all the things, and and yeah, it's been an amazing experience. Um, and it's been beautiful. Like, I haven't obviously I haven't talked about it. This will be my first time, but like I would just sit here in tears sometimes just because I'm just so it happens so yeah, it happened so fast, and it was just so like I feel like divinely orchestrated, and um don't get emotional, I know it's okay too. Oh, yeah, it's just one of the most beautiful things that I've ever experienced in my life, so yeah, um, but yeah, it's been great.
SPEAKER_01So oh, what's what is happening? Is it raining? It's raining. Wow, so yeah, she's such a sweet baby.
SPEAKER_00Oh my god, she is such a sweetheart.
SPEAKER_01She's like amazing, and then again, you know, in six months, maybe you have a baby. Boy, you're like, is um the next question I want to ask is you kind of touched on it, but why were you like when filling out the application? Is it zero to twelve months or something like that? Why did you gravitate towards that age range?
SPEAKER_00So I did zero to twelve months initially. I changed it to zero to four years old, but I eventually talked to um like the I for I don't know what her position is, she's like a supervisor, but she's like, No, you can do zero to twelve months. But a lot of people don't know this, but I have been around babies my entire life. Like I probably have the most experience that you can have other than actually having a home. Yeah, because I just grew up canning, grew up babysitting, um, grew up just around babies. Like I was always volunteering in nurseries every summer. I was working at like YMCA in the nursery, working at like everywhere. My friend's mom had a home daycare, I was there all the time. Then I did my degree in child and family studies. Um, I actually owned a daycare when I was in Tennessee before while I had the studio, so I just had so much experience, and for some reason I always became people's first nanny. Like, I have so many clients that like I was their very first nanny or babysitter, and so I know how to properly like implement schedules, like all the milestones with babies, and then not to mention my brother was born when I was 19, so that was like my baby. That's literally my um yes. So, who was taller than me now, by the way? Oh wow, just figured that out.
SPEAKER_01I did kind of keep that on your stories.
SPEAKER_00I was like, that's that same that's a grown man, but um, and also just the fact that I do have the studio, I know that I have a lot of time, like free time during the day, and then my afternoons are kind of taken up, so I didn't want to get someone in elementary or middle school who they would be gone at school all day, and then they would come home and I'd be having to teach, and we just wouldn't have any time to bond, so that's why I decided on that age group. And then I also just I don't sleep anyway, so I'm like, you know, we might as well just be up, wouldn't we? We'll be up together.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. So what does it look like? Like, obviously, I know this about you, but like for our listeners or or our viewers, like, what does it look like if you are given the opportunity to adopt um said boss a foster baby?
SPEAKER_00Yeah, I mean, it would be a long process, so that's why it's like if you're gonna foster, do not go in the in with the foster, don't go into fostering with the intent to adopt. Um, because you just never know. Like, you don't wanna be thinking, oh, I'm gonna adopt this job from the beginning, because chances are it's not gonna happen. Um, but if it were to happen, there's something called like termination of parental rights, which they obviously like give her parents a case plan, they would work it, which were rooting for them to work it. Um, but if they didn't and they weren't in a place to carry care for her and there were no other family members, then it would be TPR, and then she would be eligible for adoption, and then they obviously asked the foster parents like first choice. First choice, yeah. Do you want to adopt? Which I am open. Um, like I said, still very much rooting for her for her birth mom and family, and and um, you know, but we'll see.
SPEAKER_01How has um were you did you have any anxiety or nervous, like telling your um boyfriend, like, hey, so you've kind of been dating for about you know this amount of time. Yeah, that's like everybody's other question.
SPEAKER_00Like, how is he doing with it? Like, how does he respond to it? And he knows my heart, um, and he knows my intentions, and he just knows how much I love kids, so it was definitely not something too um that shocked him, but what I will say, like it's still an adjustment, you know, it's an adjustment for everybody, it's an adjustment for our relationship, and I do have really great um support that have been like, Oh, if you guys want to date night, if you guys want to do this, like you know, like call us. But he's been amazing, you know. He was like kind of like, how is this gonna look? And um, you know, he's in therapy, I'm in therapy, and I was like, talk to your therapist about this, like, yeah, so we kind of just established boundaries. Uh, he also had just for legal, like, he had to get clear to like beer out her. Um, and everything came at that. Yes, um, but you know, we just had conversations like what does it look like? What do you what kind of support do you need? Like, what are you gonna be upset with me if I don't do? Like, what does any resentment look like?
SPEAKER_01Like, how do you Oh y'all have y'all have oh yeah, how do you need to be supportive? What does resentment for you look like? Like, what are you still expecting me to do? Exactly.
SPEAKER_00Because at the end of the day, like it's his it's not his story. Correct. Um, he's here and he's always being he's always very supportive of me. Like, if you know him, he's just amazing, like he's gonna be supportive no matter what. But I also had to separate it, like, this isn't his child, this isn't his choice, but he's been amazing, he's been there, he's been showing up, he's been putting everything together for me, like there for me. Um, emotionally, like there was a time where I was just like, You're just that, like, you didn't do this, and I had you do this, and I like and he was just like, Okay, well, like tell me what you need to do.
SPEAKER_01Communicate, mm-hmm. And I I can't read mine, yeah.
SPEAKER_00I like to think that I'm pretty good at communicating what I need, so without being like, Oh, they should know, like, no, I don't even know like what I need or what I'm gonna need. But you know, we just had our first trip, we went out of town with baby girl, and just amazing, like he was great, so yeah, so I think we're just both kind of trying to keep an open mind and see like where the journey takes us, but for now it's good in a month. We'll see. I was kidding, I was just kidding, but like yeah, for now it's really great. So yeah, she's so fresh. Isn't there asleep unless she's here?
SPEAKER_01That part, and now back on like timing and everything. Do you now living this life? Do you ever wish like I wish I started this process earlier? Are you just like, you know, it was meant to work out how it was supposed to work?
SPEAKER_00You know, I did want to start it earlier. Like, if you had asked me in college, like I would have had a kid 26, 27, you know, I always wanted kids earlier and I wanted to be like a mom earlier, but I will say, like, how it's worked out timing-wise has been beautiful. Yeah, because I think people always like to say, like, oh, you'll you'll never be ready, but I don't know if that's true because like I feel like there was so much of me getting ready and preparing, and we can talk about that too. Like the process to become a foster parent makes you prepare in ways that you don't have to, like if you just have your own child. Um, and then aside from that, I've always been the type of person who imagines my life like with a child. Like, I would be doing things like going to the airport or going to a dance competition and be like, what would this look like if I had a child? Like, what would this look like if I had a baby? Like, how would I navigate how you think about that? This yeah, and I think it helps me because I've already over like I are already overthink so many situations that nothing so far has been a surprise. Now we're three weeks in, but you know, I think just preparing mentally, physically, like I said, logistically helped me kind of step into that role so much easier, yeah, than if I had done it earlier.
SPEAKER_01So that's a hot take I kind of have to of like not that we know everything, but I do think they gas it as far as like once the baby gets here. Oh, it's this, it's that.
SPEAKER_00Okay, it's the wait until we'll wait until this. We'll wait until this. Exactly.
SPEAKER_01Your story and your struggles do not have to be my story, my struggles. Again, I'd sometimes be waking up all hours all the time. I would expect I'm not doing getting a lot of sleep when he gets here. But you know that.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, so I mean that's the thing too. I'm like, we'll wait till she gets this age, we'll wait till she.
SPEAKER_02And I'm just like, well, we'll navigate it.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, like I already know there's gonna be things that I'm I learn and I don't know. So it's like I think just knowing that going into it makes you so much more open to learning from people and like just taking it as as you go, like her supposed to be asleep for the past three hours. She's like, I'm not doing that, I'm just asleep, yeah, and now she's sleep, yeah. So that's it. Um, but yeah, even the process, like getting ready. It's funny because if you look around my house now, like there's so many like babyproofing things, like y'all. I had to get like safes and lockbox for medicine. I have to have like emergency contacts posted, evacuation routes posted, like fire ladder, things that I'm telling my friends who have kids, and they're like, I don't even have all that. Yeah, you know, so you do have it does force you to prepare in a way that you wouldn't expect.
SPEAKER_01So let's talk about the moment you went to hospital to get baby L. We having a conversation, mind you, one a previous episode we were talking about location checking, right? Oh my god, this is so funny because I hadn't told anybody. If you told anybody, again, we damn near just had the party. This girl. I'm texting her, da-da-da. You're that the person's location is always below their name. And so typically it either said Marietta or Atlanta or maybe even Tennessee. I see another location, I'm like, what are you doing there? But then I click on it and I see the said name of the house, but I'm like, Well, let's rewind, let's rewind.
SPEAKER_00We're gonna rewind to that morning because mind you, I thought I still had a couple weeks left until I got approved. Yeah, I'm playing in bed chilly, and I get a phone call, and they're like, hey, just want to let you know you're approved. And I'm like, Oh, okay, cool. They're like, also, um, there's a baby. Uh, are you interested? Are you ready? I was like, oh, born ready, everything's ready. So I'm like, okay, cool. So they're like, we'll call you back, let you know when you can come get her. Um, I'm like installing like the last of my like camera in my car, and they're like, okay, you can go. I get there, I'm thinking, because they're telling me you have to be there for a couple hours, you have to watch this, you have to do this. I'm thinking it's about to be a long time. Like, I'm gonna get slowly.
SPEAKER_01No, a slow transition. Like people get there at noon, you're not leaving till like nine.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, okay. I got there, and before I can even put my bag down, they're like, Okay, she needs to be changed and fed. And I'm like, Okay. And they're like, Oh, okay, and I'm like, Oh, so I'm gonna ready to clock in. Okay, so I clocked in right away, like I didn't even get a chance to process, I didn't get a chance to do anything. I hadn't even told like my family, I hadn't even told friends, and then she's like, Um excuse me, why are you at this hospital? What you doing out there? I was like, Oh, and I was like, it's happening, it's happening. And I was like, Okay, then, yeah, we'll catch up later. And then the way that they like threw me in there and they're like, Okay, do this, do this. I'm thinking I have to take these classes. They're like telling me a couple of things, and they're like, Okay, go get your car. Oh I'm like, wow, oh and the whole time I'm just in disbelief, like, y'all really about to give me this child. Like, mind you, I'm prepared, but I'm still like, I know I'm one of the more prepared ones, like people who are not prepared. I'm like, are y'all good? Um, but yeah, she's like, Okay, go get your car, I'll meet you downstairs. And then even afterwards, I'm like, is that it? Like, I feel like I need to hug the lady. She's like, Alright, bye. Oh wow. So I'm just driving home, like with this child, and I'm just like, okay, now we should probably call some people. Yes, so yeah, called my mom, um, called my friends, and yeah, we've been rocking ever since, so yeah, it's been amazing. What has been um your nightlife lately? The nightlife is funny because I'm like, you know how you get ready for bed and you like wash your face, skincare, like do all your things. No, I have a full nighttime routine that involves like pre-filling bottles, taking this upstairs, making sure this white noise is on, like making sure this is like in place. Like, I am so strategic with like how we prepare to go upstairs. I don't want to come back downstairs, yeah. So I'm like pre-filling everything, pre-doing everything, um, setting stuff aside, making sure it's all good to go, setting like this aside, this aside, and yeah, we just go upstairs, goes to sleep, wakes up, change feed, goes to sleep, wake up, change feed, go to sleep. Maybe we're up for a little bit, change feed. Club, another clip, exactly, until I decide in the morning, okay, it's time to just wake up for real. But yeah, that's how it is. And I mean, like I said, luckily that's kind of how I operated, anyways. Like, I would wake up every couple hours. Um, I have like this sleep condition, but yeah, I don't my body can't regulate the difference between night and day, so neither can she.
SPEAKER_01And she wants to touch you once she's sleeping, maybe um, but yeah, it's been cool.
SPEAKER_00I will say one thing, as prepared as I thought I was, one thing that I was not ready for. Uh it's not bad, it's not bad. How small, no, how small she was. Oh, because I had all of my clothes in every single size, all of my diapers in every single size. All I had like four different types of bottles, three different types of pacifiers. Like, I was like prepared for the unknown and prepared for like as you can be for a big age range, right? She was four pounds, and she couldn't fit nothing, she couldn't fit the diapers I got, she couldn't fit the clothes I bought. She couldn't take the um bottles that I had the pasties that like she I had to completely like reframe my mind and make sure I was ready to go for like a preemie because she was so tiny. Wow, yeah. So yeah, yeah. I was like, okay, I gotta go get clothes. Like, I had one creamy outfit, I had to just bug it out and do what I need to do. And it is let me tell you this clothing makers, like, why is it so hard to find creamy clothes in store? It's difficult, but we got it together, so yeah.
SPEAKER_01Oh my gosh. Now, is there any outside of the question of like, oh my god, how long do you have her? Like, is there any other question of questions that you're like, okay, I am kind of sick of like always getting that?
SPEAKER_00Um, a lot of people want to know like why she doesn't care, and I'm like, that's none of your business. That's not my story to tell. Um, and yeah, people are very some people are really invasive because they like they're like, oh she's a child, but like she's still a person, and her mom is still a person, her dad is still a person. Like, um, it's not my business to share. And I would say everyone always is like, Oh, how's Jamal taking it? They always want to know like how he's doing their body.
SPEAKER_01Sometimes I wonder if they want to hear, like, actually, it's like really tough on us, yeah. Like, do y'all want to hear that?
SPEAKER_00Yeah, and I'm like, it's as tough, it's tough, don't get me wrong. Like, you know, but I feel like we have a really good communication style, and we had talked about so much in advance, and then not to mention, um, I will say one thing that's easier is that I don't have a like postpartum and hormones that like a mom would have, so it's like I feel like I'm pretty level-headed with how we're communicating and how things are going, and like I don't have to deal with like C-section scars or like diapers for myself or anything like that. So, like I think that helps. But those are the main questions, other than people at the studio, like, you were pregnant, because I'd be wearing my sweats, you know, I'd be wearing my dancer's attire, and people are like, Wait, when did this happen? And I'm like, It didn't.
SPEAKER_01I know when you had told me you're like, dang, girl, I haven't been to the gym in like two weeks. I was like, No shade, but go to the gym. I know I just know that that routine is still important.
SPEAKER_00She knows how I am too. Like, if I don't work out, then I start getting depressed. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Um, it's not even like a health thing for me, it's like I start getting like, oh. But I went to the gym for the first time and I died. Like, my knee is still hurting, but yeah, I have a plan in place to start going back to the gym soon. Um, and like I said, luckily I have a lot of support. I have a lot of people that are like, you know, what you need, what do you need? That's been the biggest, like a big adjustment. Not the biggest, but a big adjustment too, because y'all know I be in the gym every day. Yes, and yeah, but you know, it's all good, it's worth it.
SPEAKER_01So my gosh. So, yeah, guys, that's our review slash our episode, our episode. Full loud, our full loud, yeah. It's it's been it's been great. So now we'll be able to. This is the big thing we've been wanting to share. Now we'll be able to incorporate this dialogue into our other future episodes. Yeah, because I felt like I was just like you would be like dancing around it.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, I had to get an interview or yeah, just had my interview, just had my this, just had my that, because there's a lot of steps. Um, but yeah, and it it feels good to be able to actually talk about not obviously like the details, but just the process and just like my day-to-day, because like I haven't posted like yesterday. I was like proof of life because like I haven't posted because obviously everything is involving her. Um, so yeah. Now we can get back to it.
SPEAKER_01Back to it. So if y'all do have any listener letters, questions, comments, concerns, yeah, email us at therehearsal period at gmail.com. Yeah. You can follow me at Shanish J or my business at the work lab with A E. No, no, no.
SPEAKER_00And you can follow me at Asia Carp or my business at Divine Dance A T L. And make sure you like, comment, and subscribe so you can be notified whenever we post.
SPEAKER_01We're naming this episode on my mommy. We're naming this episode on my mommy. Bye guys! Bye. Hope you guys have a great week.